Category Archives: love

Is There Such a Thing as a Good Fight?

Mike and I didn’t fight well in the first several years of our marriage.  We were both the oldest child in our respective families.  Combined with the overwhelming need to be right and coming from dysfunctional households, our arguments tended to get nasty very quickly. I was the main culprit with a cruel tongue and, at times, a vindictive nature.

When he and I both look back on those days we are amazed that we are still together.  In July we will celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary!  Praise the Lord.

Marriage counseling helped us tremendously.  We learned how to fight.  We were not taught NOT to fight.  Let’s face it- living with someone 24-7, 365 days a year is not possible without some friction.  We were taught HOW to fight.  How to express our differences of opinion, our needs, our desires and most of all our love for one another in a healthy manner.  While we will probably never have this mastered, our disagreements are calm compared to how we dealt with them in the past.

I recently received The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring You Closer
When I finished reading it I immediately thought “I wish I had read this book 16 years ago”.  My next thought was that I will be gifting it to newlyweds in years to come.  Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are veteran marriage counselors and are married to each other.  They are also best selling authors of several books dealing with marriage.

The book includes their C.O.R.E principle, which relates to their recommended elements of a “good fight”.  Cooperation, ownership, respect and empathy are key to disagreeing in a way that allows the other person to hear your point without becoming defensive.  The book also includes topics such as:

  • Why a “good fight” is the secret to a happy marriage
  • Leveraging your personal fight types (this was a particularly interesting section to me.  Mike and I are similar in some ways but also very different. Our fighting types are very different and it was helpful to read about how the different types can successfully approach each other in an argument)
  • Fighting through The Big Five- money, sex, work, parenting and housework
  • The 7 rules of Fight Club

This book is filled with practical advice from a couple with 25 years of marriage and doctorate degrees under their belt.  I encourage you to check it out.

**This post contains affiliate links.

Sacred community

She had left her body about an hour earlier. Twelve of us stood around her hospital bed, hands clasped, lips forming the words to Amazing Grace. Scriptures read, stories shared, tears shed. It was one of the most sacred experiences of my life. ————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-   I had unknowingly entered a sacred sisterhood.  A band ofContinue Reading

25 Ways to Keep Your Love Alive

The hubby and I have been married for 15 years, together for 17.  He still makes my heart race.  He is my best friend, my fiercest advocate and my rock, soft enough to lay my head on, tough enough to stay with me for all these years. Our marriage has been full of ups andContinue Reading

Moments Like This

Sunday, my daughter will become a wife.   I will return with regular posting {actually a 31 day series} October 1st. Appreciate your love and prayers in the meantime!

Love is…

Love is… watching your husband love on a baby, having opened his heart and life to the unexpected and embracing it for all it is worth. Love is… a teenager playing with a little cousin, making them laugh and admitting they had a good time, too. Love is… opening your heart and trusting God toContinue Reading

{day 5} Know that you know

  If I counted all the ways that God has shown up for me, come through for me, just plain loved on me– it would take way more than one little old blog post. I know that He is looking out for even the smallest details in my {and your} life. If that is howContinue Reading

Growing in your marriage

  She needed to be a brunette.  The bride-on-the-wedding-cake-topper-thingy, that is. Fourteen years ago, finding a brunette {because I am not blonde} cake-topper bride was a huge priority in my life.  On the eve of making the biggest commitment of my life. Thankfully, my grandparents rose to the challenge and scoured stores in the four-stateContinue Reading

Finding “the one”

I was a seventeen year old, belly beginning to swell with new life, shoulders hunched with the heaviness of life. Satan had robbed me of the belief that I deserved love.  In fact, I was convinced that love didn’t really exist.  If a man purported to “love” me, if meant that he wanted something fromContinue Reading

Do you know my Jesus?

I know He doesn’t look like the pictures I’ve seen since childhood. I know He loves me more than I will ever be able to fathom. I know that He cares about the details of my life, the lives of teen girls and the lives of all that read this. I know that He worksContinue Reading

Of boys and learners permits

Image via Wikipedia I’m not ready for this. That is what I was thinking as I sat in my (bonus) son’s MDT (multi-disciplinary meeting) yesterday.  The collective decision (which I agree with, I just don’t like) was made that he can get his learner’s permit next month. My boy is going to drive.  I’m notContinue Reading