A Stroke of Grace

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19 "I don't know how you've lived with this in your head for eleven days. It's completely occluding blood flow on the left side of your brain. You must have a hell of a headache". Those were the neurosurgeon's words to me at 6:45am on October 25, 2016.He said I had a CVST, a rare form of stroke. He also explained that if it started bleeding again, I would have to be transferred to the University of Florida (five hours away) for very delicate surgery but that they prefer not to … [Read more...]

Dreams need cheerleaders {a God sized dreams post}

She was my grandmother's best friend for their entire adult lives. And Monday God called her home. Too soon.  I am sad for her family.  For her grandbabies.  For her husband.  For my grandmother. For her clients. and, I'm sad for me. Kaye always made sure to tell me she was proud of me.  Even when I made poor choices and the trajectory of my life was altered forever.  She is the one who looked in my eyes and told me there were only good things in store for me. A few years ago, when I almost died from pulmonary emboli, I found myself wading through the "what did God leave me here for" type questions that often accompany such an experience.  Kaye met me at a diner and over coffee we talked for hours about my God sized dreams.  She was the first one {and for a long time the … [Read more...]

When manna isn’t a miracle anymore

Discontent can eat a hole in your soul. For me, it started with a strong desire to replace our couch. Now, in my defense, our couch is twelve years old and a hand-me-down.  {and for the record I don't think there is anything wrong with buying new furniture}. Lately, its age and the wear and tear that three boys can have on a piece of furniture has begun to show.  Places where the stuffing is coming out and one too many flips off the back have stretched out the cushions. I have complained, I have coveted and I have window shopped. I had myself convinced that I needed, and even deserved, a new couch. Friday, my Mr. Fix It hubby was off from work and he fixed all the things that had been bothering me about the couch. He sewed up the ripped places and reinforced the weak places and … [Read more...]

Short Fuse

  But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,  keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.  I Peter 3:14-16 I am getting used to having a commute. Granted, it is only 11 miles each way but with traffic, road work, school buses and/or stop lights, it takes me 25 to 35 minutes to go each way.  For those that know me, I tend to be short fused.  Driving does NOT bring out the best in me.  {God love my husband who commutes 90 miles each … [Read more...]

Trust when the way seems unclear

This coming Monday I start a new job. A full time 9-5 J-O-B. It is the right thing for my family and I have peace about the decision. God hasn't shown me the {full} why of it all quite yet. I like to know the "why", y'all. It is hard for a recovering Type-A like me to not know the plan.  God knows that and I'm pretty sure that controlling, driver's seat tendency I have is one of the main reasons He keeps me in the dark. I covet your prayers during this season.  Full-time ministry took a toll on my family, my priorities and our finances.  It is time to trust that God is in control and all of this is part of the path He has for me. I will still be here. I will still manage In Be'Tween Moms. I will still write monthly here and here. And I will trust that God has all the … [Read more...]

{day 12}Walk in Faith

Sweet Pea is taking her first tentative steps. She much prefers furniture walking-- holding on to the couch, a chair or even my leg-- to letting go and walking on her own.  When she realizes she is standing without support, she sits down.  As believers, we can become furniture walkers too. We say and think we are giving control to God but in reality we cling to the things that make us feel in control and secure. Sometimes, when we realize we aren't holding on to anything tangible we sit down too. In the pursuit of a clean heart, we must be willing to deal with our tendency toward unbelief. How many times does God have to come through for us before we let go of the furniture? We have this pseudo sense of control.  We fool ourselves into thinking we can handle situations in our own … [Read more...]

Falling into place

Crisp, cool air. Leaves on the trees hint brilliance and the stroke of the Artist's hand. Flavors and aromas, cinnamon and pumpkin, entice my soul. Fall is my favorite time of year. There is something about the air, the scenery, the smell and taste of autumn that propels me forward from the dog days of summer to whatever God has in store next. This spring and summer have been particularly challenging.  I have lost my focus and sense of direction.  God has been stirring my heart towards clarity and I have been fighting it.  Because sometimes clarity brings change.  Change often means letting things go or {heaven forbid} saying no to good things to make room for God's best. Walking in faith is an ever changing journey.  With seasons, much like autumn and spring, winter and summer, God … [Read more...]

Ebb and Flow of Life

This has been one of those weeks that simulated a roller coaster for my emotions.  Up, down, upside down, shoot back up. I'm not a roller coaster type of gal.  All of that can leave this mama exhausted in every way possible. Our weekend was full.  Of learning, of fellowship, of family fun. The speaker at the retreat we attended was speaking right to my heart and situation. How to hear God, how to really hear what He is saying to me and how He is saying it.  A verse shared that confirmed an exciting realization. The enemy knows when change is taking place in my heart and attempted to thwart the momentum.  The attempt was momentarily successful but through journaling, tears and prayer I got back on track. Then, as I already shared, Monday was a super special day for our family. Life … [Read more...]

Looking down the tracks

Have you ever been in a rush to catch a train? Push your ticket through, run up the escalator, race out of breath only to reach the platform in time to see the train disappearing down the track.   Parenting, as of late, feels much like this to me. Jason and Miss S. are 18 and 19, respectively.  They have graduated high school this year, are making plans for their future and stepping out into the "real" world.   It keeps me up at night.  Neither of these precious ones has been with me since day one of their lives...perhaps some of the trepidation comes from that. Did I do enough, teach enough, love enough? But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are … [Read more...]

Flesh and Blood and Tears

It was a burnt bridge.  Charred by the chasm of bitterness, hatred and anger that had simmered for years. "Good" reasons to maintain my unforgiving heart. I had been let down, hurt, abused, disappointed, neglected, abandoned and wounded by this person.  This person that was supposed to protect me from all those things. My dad. For thirteen {count them, thirteen!} years, I let the coals of that burnt bridge remain red hot with the seething anger and grief.  I fed the flames by recounting the wrongs and justifying my disdain. I was also afraid.  If I forgave him, did that mean I had to work towards a restored relationship?  If I wanted to rebuild a relationship, there would be people that would not be supportive.  He had hurt more than just me. 10/14/08: The experience of almost dying … [Read more...]

Skip to toolbar