Category Archives: God

Giving Up On God {part one}

I remember the day I gave up on God.

I held the phone to my ear while angry, hot tears streamed silently down my face.  As I listened and realized that I had been lied to for months by those closest to me, I made a rash and defiant decision.  If no one was looking out for me, I was going to have to look out for myself.

I gently depressed the button on the phone so that my grandmother would not know I had listened in and started to pray.

Prayer was an automatic response to crisis for me.  Prayer had been my constant companion in my brief 13 years on the earth.

This time the prayers felt empty.  It was as if my heart’s cries were not being heard and I determined God must not be any more trustworthy than the rest of the adults in my life.  Right then, in that moment, hurt and confused I decided God hadn’t been much help to me thus far.

I had done everything right.  Followed every rule, memorized His word and His promises.  What good had that done me?

A deep place in my heart turned to stone.  I stopped praying and decided God and I were parting ways.

I slung my backpack over my shoulders, tossed my long brown hair out of the way of the thick straps and decided to go it alone.  No more God, no more grandparents, no more foster care.  I was going to figure this out on my own.  I quietly closed the door of my adjoining hotel room, careful not to make any noise that would alert my {maternal} grandmother or grandfather to my departure. I walked out into the streets of a small town, determined to never let anyone hurt, betray or use me ever again.

To be continued….

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{days 6/7} Stop and Acknowledge

We serve an amazing God. In the hectic pace of this American life, we sometimes forget how truly incredible He is. When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,  what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that youContinue Reading

Ringing in a new theme

2009 was the year of gratitude. 2010 the year of giving. As I prayed about our theme, the word that should become the focus of our home for 2011, one word continued to encroach all others…. Grace. Favor or kindness shown without regard to the worth or merit of the one who receives it andContinue Reading

Getting down and dirty with Jesus

I am a girly girl. I am quite certain that is why God made me the mama of three active boys {proof of God’s sense of humor}. I don’t “do” certain things: dirt, bugs, scary movies..did I mention dirt? My hubby and boys laugh at the amount of luggage I take on a camping trip. Continue Reading

Holy Week- The day after

Image by focus2capture via Flickr I purposefully didn’t post yesterday because anything I would have said would have been dark, heavy and possibly too much.  Nothing we can ever imagine or do would properly convey the agony Jesus suffered on that day.  Facing separation from His Father (even if temporarily) and bearing the weight ofContinue Reading

Holy Week- Maundy Thursday

Image by via Flickr This was such a special night.  A night when Jesus provided his disciples (present and future) with beautiful promises for those that choose to serve Him. The Lord gave them a new command that night (and it still holds true for us today). A new command I give you.  LoveContinue Reading

Holy Week- Day One

Image by Lawrence OP via Flickr This week I have committed myself to really diving in to the days and hours leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus.  Easter is my favorite holiday– I love celebrating the resurrection and all that it means for those of us that have accepted Christ as our Savior andContinue Reading

It’s just my disease

Yesterday was a comedy of errors. Most days are for me but my kiddos are home on school break and as Matt so succinctly and sarcastically put it “I’d forgotten how fun it is to hang out with you, Mom”. But, even when life gets a little crazy there are things to learn and lessonsContinue Reading

Walking in Obedience

I will cry to God Most High, Who performs on my behalf and rewards me- Who brings to pass His purposes for me and surely completes them. Psalm 57:2This verse is yet another promise from God that He has everything under control, is working my circumstances toward good and His glory and will complete theContinue Reading

Stand and still Stand

No one promises a life free of pain and suffering to those that believe in God, and if they do they are not preaching from a Biblical perspective. Sometimes it is so difficult to understand why bad things happen to good people. Why does God allow yucky things in our lives? The book of JamesContinue Reading