Giving Up On God {part one}

I remember the day I gave up on God. I held the phone to my ear while angry, hot tears streamed silently down my face.  As I listened and realized that I had been lied to for months by those closest to me, I made a rash and defiant decision.  If no one was looking out for me, I was going to have to look out for myself. I gently depressed the button on the phone so that my grandmother would not know I had listened in and started to pray. Prayer was an automatic response to crisis for me.  Prayer had been my constant companion in my brief 13 years on the earth. This time the prayers felt empty.  It was as if my heart's cries were not being heard and I determined God must not be any more trustworthy than the rest of the adults in my life.  Right then, in that moment, hurt and confused I … [Read more...]

{days 6/7} Stop and Acknowledge

We serve an amazing God. In the hectic pace of this American life, we sometimes forget how truly incredible He is. When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,  what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? ~Psalm 8: 3-4 Life has been a crazy, out of whack experience this week.  Shayla left on Tuesday so Sweet Pea and I are trying to develop a routine around my ministry schedule.  I haven't taken a baby to daycare in almost 12 years.  I am a bit out of practice :) I feel rushed, tired and frazzled.  None of which are God's desire for me. This is my favorite time of year.  The changing colors on the trees, the crisp cool air--it all speaks to my soul. If I am paying attention! Part of … [Read more...]

Ringing in a new theme

2009 was the year of gratitude. 2010 the year of giving. As I prayed about our theme, the word that should become the focus of our home for 2011, one word continued to encroach all others.... Grace. Favor or kindness shown without regard to the worth or merit of the one who receives it and in spite of what that person deserves.  {Nelson's Compact Bible Dictionary} Grace for others...grace for my children...grace for my spouse... and, perhaps most importantly, grace for myself. A little less "why haven't you finished this yet" and a little more "I accomplished what God asked me today". A little less "you could have handled that so much better" and a little more "thankful for the chance to try again tomorrow" A little less "why do I keep going down that road" and a little more "thank … [Read more...]

Getting down and dirty with Jesus

I am a girly girl. I am quite certain that is why God made me the mama of three active boys {proof of God's sense of humor}. I don't "do" certain things: dirt, bugs, scary movies..did I mention dirt? My hubby and boys laugh at the amount of luggage I take on a camping trip.  And, most people that know me have heard me say how grateful I am that I was born where I was, when I was. Suffice it to say I would not have done well in the frontier days. Suffice it to say that God is s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g me in ministry lately. I have visited places that literally make my skin crawl {and have made me physically ill}. The amazing thing is that God gives me this peace that surrounds me when I am in a "dirty" situation and I don't think about it until I leave {and bathe myself in hand … [Read more...]

Holy Week- The day after

Image by focus2capture via Flickr I purposefully didn't post yesterday because anything I would have said would have been dark, heavy and possibly too much.  Nothing we can ever imagine or do would properly convey the agony Jesus suffered on that day.  Facing separation from His Father (even if temporarily) and bearing the weight of the world's sins on his shoulders, it brings tears to my eyes to even type that. Which brings us to today.  The day after.  Christ's beaten, bruised body laid in a tomb. Can you imagine what his mother was feeling?  what his disciples were going through?  what the people who had witnessed his miracles and mercy firsthand were pondering? Did they have doubt?  Were they confused?  Were they beside themselves with grief over losing one who meant so much? We … [Read more...]

Holy Week- Maundy Thursday

Image by via Flickr This was such a special night.  A night when Jesus provided his disciples (present and future) with beautiful promises for those that choose to serve Him. The Lord gave them a new command that night (and it still holds true for us today). A new command I give you.  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.  John 13:34-35 I struggle sometimes in my friendships with other believers (other disciples of Jesus). We can really be hard on each other. Amen? As Christian women we certainly don't set the best of examples for others when we publically debate over theology, judge one another for our actions without being aware of someone's complete situation, put … [Read more...]

Holy Week- Day One

Image by Lawrence OP via Flickr This week I have committed myself to really diving in to the days and hours leading up to the crucifixion of Jesus.  Easter is my favorite holiday- I love celebrating the resurrection and all that it means for those of us that have accepted Christ as our Savior and all it can mean for those yet to be saved. We attended a Seder event put on by Jews for Jesus at our church last week.  I was awestruck by the symbolism that points back to Christ.  I love learning about traditions and Biblical history.  But, the thing that stuck with me the most after attending that event was my youngest son, turning to his dad and I in the car after the ceremony, and saying "Mama, how can Jews NOT believe in Jesus?"  I was asking myself the same thing. Only by knowing Jesus … [Read more...]

It’s just my disease

Yesterday was a comedy of errors. Most days are for me but my kiddos are home on school break and as Matt so succinctly and sarcastically put it "I'd forgotten how fun it is to hang out with you, Mom". But, even when life gets a little crazy there are things to learn and lessons God is teaching us. I wanted to share those with you today.We started out by going to get our teeth cleaned (regular six month appointment). Now, when I scheduled the appointment for 8:00 on a Monday morning I had forgotten it was on a break. So, the boys were not at all amused at having to get up and out of the house so early while all their Christmas gifts were beckoning for their attention. This was my first cleaning since I am on blood thinners. Suffice it to say, in the interest of not grossing anyone … [Read more...]

Walking in Obedience

I will cry to God Most High, Who performs on my behalf and rewards me- Who brings to pass His purposes for me and surely completes them. Psalm 57:2This verse is yet another promise from God that He has everything under control, is working my circumstances toward good and His glory and will complete the purpose He has me here for is His time. So, why in the world do I feel like I am floundering sometimes? Why do I feel like I must be missing my calling or not hearing God? How can what God is calling me to do be to not do much? That goes against - oh, yeah- it goes against my perfectionistic, overaccomplishing, driven, ambitious FLESH!! Right now, sitting here, only allowed to drive locally, not able to handle the hectic schedule I was juggling prior to my hospitalization, I am at … [Read more...]

Stand and still Stand

No one promises a life free of pain and suffering to those that believe in God, and if they do they are not preaching from a Biblical perspective. Sometimes it is so difficult to understand why bad things happen to good people. Why does God allow yucky things in our lives? The book of James talks a lot about trials, temptations and suffering and one of my favorite verses about that is James 5:8- “Be patient and stand firm”…Life hands us knock down punches sometimes, often unexpected. I have been dealt some of those myself, for sure. But, what I have seen what God has revealed to me is that not expecting the knock down punches is what the Devil counts on. As Christians, we should be expecting these attacks and should call them what they are- the enemy’s pathetic attempts to distract … [Read more...]

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