Category Archives: confession

Putting Fear Away- A God sized Dreams Post

It was awkward. Stiff.

It wasn’t the throw me up in the air and let me think I’m going to fall, then catch me at the last minute type of hugs he gave when I was a little girl.

It wasn’t the comforting arms that soothed my tears and hurt feelings.

But, it was one of the sweetest hugs my dad and I ever shared.  In that side-hug moment, thirteen years of bitterness, anger and fear melted away. Thirteen years of not speaking, let alone hugging.

My dad with my nephew

My dad with my nephew

Love won.

Restoration and healing began a fresh work in my heart.

That was four years ago, after a near death experience had left me with an absence of fear and an overwhelming desire to chase after God’s best for my life.

Slowly, but surely fear crept back in.  It started with a fall that caused me to be out of commission for most of 2011.  Feeling out of control gave fear just the opening it had been waiting for.

Fear is like rust.  If you let it sit too long, it corrodes, eats away at, destroys.  Over the past few years, fear has eroded its ugly ways back in the grooves of my heart.  And, now thinking and praying about God-sized dreams, it has hit me how much I have allowed my fears to control my actions. AGAIN.  I slayed the fear dragon before.

I want to slay it again.

So, I’m putting on my armor {Ephesians 6:10-17},

I’m  praying God will help me feel His love {because perfect love casts out fear I John 4:18}

and I’m dreaming!

 

 

Doing Real Life Together

Last night, Shayla was in the ER {she has severe bronchitis and a urinary tract infection}.  It was late {or early, depending on how you look at it} and I was bored.  I took an Insta.gram picture with my iPhone and it posted to Facebook.  Within seconds, she was being prayed for.  By my friendsContinue Reading

Lent Fail…or maybe not?

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done‘ and those to whom God says, ‘All right, then, have it your way‘.  C.S Lewis   I typically approach Lent with a surrendered heart and a strong desire to grow closer to God in the weeks leading up to Easter.Continue Reading

Whitney Houston and my witness

If I made a soundtrack of my life many of the songs would be sung by Whitney Houston. When I heard about her death I was saddened by the seeming waste of talent and the brevity of her life. Then a picture started circling Facebook and I “liked’ it. It was basically saying that WhitneyContinue Reading

Breathe In, Breathe Out

Overwhelming to-do list. Unsatisfactory grades from the lanky boy who can do better. Cranky moments from a teething and first-time-ear-infection-suffering Sweet Pea. Breathe In. Breathe Out. Sanctuary filled with God’s people, lifting up one voice in a cacophony of praise. Teaching a class about the power of communicating with Elohim through prayer. Breathe In. BreatheContinue Reading

{day 19} Let go of what’s holding you back

As long as we are holding on to or harboring {unconfessed} sin in our lives, we will never experience the joy of the Lord. ~Pastor Ed Taylor There is something holding you back from experiencing a clean heart.  From experiencing the fullness of the abundant relationship with God that you were designed for. It’s you. Continue Reading

Ebb and Flow of Life

This has been one of those weeks that simulated a roller coaster for my emotions.  Up, down, upside down, shoot back up. I’m not a roller coaster type of gal.  All of that can leave this mama exhausted in every way possible. Our weekend was full.  Of learning, of fellowship, of family fun. The speakerContinue Reading

Being sick is not fun but I choose joy

I am a positive person.  I believe that everything in life happens for a reason and that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength {Romans 8:28, Philippians 4:13}. But, I have to admit there are days and times that being chronically ill brings me down, way down. It probably doesn’t helpContinue Reading

The Monster

The imperfections of a man, his frailties, his faults, are just as important as his virtues.  You can’t separate them.  They’re wedded.  ~Henry Miller I remember well the days that perfectionism consumed my life. I suppose I came by the desire quite naturally.  A father who demanded more than the best.  Raised by grandparents whoseContinue Reading

The Truth Hurts

I know something about my son. He doesn’t know that I know. He may suspect that I do but he is too afraid of my reaction to mention it. A part of me enjoys watching him squirm. A bigger part of me is disappointed in what he is keeping from me and his dad. AnContinue Reading