Motherhood led me back to Jesus

Mother’s Day is the best day to wrap up my series on giving up on God.  Click to read part one and part two.

The bitterness and apathy that had taken up residence in my heart materialized in ugly ways.  Drugs, promiscuity, callous behavior towards those that loved me the most…the saying “hurt people hurt people” couldn’t be more true.

pregnant teen

And, then at sixteen, two lines appeared on the pregnancy test.                        photo credit

I was alone in a cramped bathroom stall scared beyond anything I had experienced before. There was life growing inside of me.

At first I pretended not to care.  I would fix the problem.  Have an abortion, pretend that this had never happened.

When I look at my Jared and think that I thought of him as a problem or a mistake, my heart beats hurt and sadness.  It reminds me of the feelings I had on those dark, lonely days.

I would like to tell you as soon as I heard my son’s heartbeat on the sonogram that I had an epiphany and turned my life around.  But, that wouldn’t be true.

For the first few months of my pregnancy, I continued the self destructive lifestyle I had been engaging in prior to becoming pregnant.  When I think of the consequences my behavior could have had on my now {almost 16 year old} 15 year old boy, I realize the hand of God never left me.  Even when I turned my back on Him, He never gave up on me.

He knit my baby together in my womb to save me from myself.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Psalm 139:13

{You can read more about my salvation story by clicking here}.

Each child God has subsequently brought into my life, through birth or adoption, has changed me for the better and drawn me closer to Him.

You can’t parent three kids six and under when you are barely 20 years old without the power of Almighty God.

You can’t parent a hurting little boy, who has a deep mother wound, without the supernatural love of Jesus pouring through you.

You can’t parent a girl who doesn’t trust love without being able to trust the Lover of your soul.

Motherhood led me back to Jesus and it brings me to His feet every single day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you that mother a child! And to each of the women that has played a part in parenting me– Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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Comments

  1. Okay, thank you for this post.  I mean, really, thank you.  We have two girls (11 and 9) by birth, a 15 yr old girl (adopted 12/11) and are doing weekend visits with our 15 yr old’s bro (he’s 10) and moving toward adoption for him.  They have been apart for over 3 1/2 years.  I have to say that I have sat in the seat of fear, but today, b/c of the truth I heard from our pastor and what I just read here, I am reminded that it is NOTHING of me that can do any of this.  It is only breath by breath dependence on my Almighty Father.  Being responsible for two children who lived in pure hell can be overwhelming, but as long as I focus on the One who knows their innermost beings, I am filled with exactly what I need.  What is really cool about this is that our bio girls are learning at young ages to live on this breath by breath dependence and faith.  They are the example to me many times….LOL.  Happy Mother’s Day from a sister in the Lord in GA!!!

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