What lies beneath

Emotions are raw.

Tears threaten to spill over.

Good bye is never easy, even if it is a perfectly normal part of life.


Shayla leaves for nursing school tomorrow {her first plane ride} and Jason leaves for basic training on Monday.


As my pastor’s wife {and good friend} pointed out on Sunday, a mama is supposed to space these traumatic events out a tad better.

As I have been journaling and praying through this difficult week, I noted that I am taking these harder than many moms do.

I begged God to ask me why I was filled with so much fear surrounding the departure of my two precious kids.  Sadness I understand.  Apprehension even.  But terror is not from God.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. ~Psalm 139:23

Through a conversation with a friend God showed me what was beneath my fear.

Good bye’s have never gone well for me.

As a child, my brothers and I were separated when in foster care and ended up not being reunited until we were much older.

We went to court with Jason in 2004 and he didn’t come back home with us.

I asked and God revealed to me some clutter in my heart.  I can relinquish old fears and hurts to Him so that instead of experiencing a lifetime of emotion when saying good bye to Shayla tomorrow, I can be in the moment of letting her go become all God has planned for her to be.  {and I will see her in two weeks :}

Is there old junk you need to let God reveal and clean out of your heart?

I am writing 31 Days to a Clean Heart this month. You can read post 1 here and post 2 here.

and the counting of gifts continues {#351-360}

~  looking ahead to the awesome future God has in store for my kids

~  His redemptive power

~  authentic friendships that speak to my heart and meet me where I am

~  attending a Dynamic Speaking workshop {and taking copious notes}

~  seeing how God had things under control all along {why do I ever doubt?}

~  attending a concert with three of my four teens and worshiping the Lord together

~  scarves, gloves and last minute trips to Kmart with patient friends

~  pumpkin spice latte with an extra shot of espresso

~  hospitality of a stranger

~  my prayer journal

What are you thankful for?


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  1. I am thankful I have my three sweet baby girls home with me today, and we can go to Chuck E Cheese for some super fun!

  2. cinnibonbon says:

    Hang in there!! At you you had the forth sight to have 2 children!! I don’t have any back ups!!! And yes, yes there are big plans for our kkiddos!!!!

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