When Kids Disappoint

My two oldest sons did something not so smart over the weekend.

I was disappointed in their behavior.  I was angry at their deception and I was livid that they included a visiting friend in their shenanigans.

Thankfully, I refrained from yelling and screaming like my flesh wanted to.  After making sure everyone was safe, I called the mom of the visiting friend and sent him home with Miss S. as the driver and I sent the other two off to bed.

I laid in bed {I let the hubby sleep through this because he gets up at 3:30am to drive 1 1/2 hours to work} getting angrier and angrier. Then, I turned to my Father and said, Lord, what do you do with these kids and their mistakes?

I had to get out my journal and write down the thoughts He gave me.

  • You love them.  Never in our angriest moment should our children doubt that we love them, no matter what mistake they make. I Peter 4:8 tells us to “love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins“.
  • You extend grace to them.  Memories of mistakes I made at 15 {much bigger than this mistake!} ran through my mind.  My boys know what they did was wrong.  They are aware of the consequences. They know I am entitled to hold it over their head for awhile, but what good does that really do?  Grace isn’t something you earn, it is a gift.  And, what better way to learn of this gift than from your parents?  “And if by grace, then it cannot be based on works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace”. ~ Romans 11:6
  • You correct them.  Mistakes do have consequences and my boys will be facing those over the next two weeks.  As a matter of fact, I didn’t even have to ask for them to relinquish certain privileges.  Jared brought me his cell phone.  They knew what they were risking when they made the choice they made.  “Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one that heeds correction gains understanding”. ~ Proverbs 15:32
  • You move on with them.  We aren’t going to get stuck at the site of a mistake.  We will take the lessons learned and move on.  My kids are good kids with a sin nature, just like their dad and I.  If we focus only on the mistakes, rather than the lessons and the living, than we are missing the point.“For in Him we live and move and have our being”. ~ Acts 17:28a

I am prepared for them to make more mistakes.  Mistakes are the stepping stones of character building. I am just thankful that God reminded me of all of this before the hubby and I sat down with the kids…or much more of my flesh would have shown up!

How do you handle disobedience?

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Comments

  1. Hi Melissa – this was a good post for me today.  I’ve been struggling with my teen as well and yesterday he pulled a big one.  Fortunately, I handled it about the same way.  Applied consequences, had a serious talk with him, told him I loved him, and vowed to be a better parent to him.  Much more effective than screaming and yelling, though not nearly as satisfying!  

    • “though not nearly as satisfying” thank you for making me laugh out loud! so, so true 🙂

      *Melissa Smallwood* *Writer**/Blogger*

      Cutting Through The Clutter of Life
      Tel: (304) 676-4760 |

      | http://www.easternpanhandlemoms.com

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  2. Hi Melissa,  I found your site by searching for people who have adopted older children. I cannot find that you have actually adopted on your site, tho.  We have two bio girls, 10 and 8 and are in the process of adopting a 14 yr. old girl from foster care.  Your post resonated with me b/c it reinforces how we respond to her/them. We have had some major stuff to deal with. Just tonight I found a crumpled up piece of paper that said “My sisters are weird.” (*very* minor in the scheme of things).  My flesh wanted to have a major confrontation about it, but the Holy Spirit IMMEDIATELY gave me His eyes and heart.  So, I proceeded to give her a displeasing look and then went about our night, tucked her in and did all our normal prayers/hugs, etc.  Tomorrow, I will deal with the heart issue of it all.  In my flesh, I wanted to deal with it then and there.  I have learned that it is okay to let time pass and the Lord to do His work in my heart and hers, then approach the issue with the grace and mercy.  She has been with us 2 months.  Sorry for all the words.  I have no one to connect with in my immediate circle, so when I come across someone who may *get* our journey right now I get encouraged!!!!  Your post was what I needed to read tonight!!!  Thank you!

    • That is wonderful to hear! I would love to connect with you as I did adopt older kids, one at 6 years old and one as a teenager. Feel free to email me at kmelissasmallwood (at) gmail (dot) com.

      *Melissa Smallwood* *Writer**/Blogger*

      Cutting Through The Clutter of Life
      Tel: (304) 676-4760 |

      | http://www.easternpanhandlemoms.com

      [image: Facebook] [image: Twitter] [image: Blog RSS] [image: YouTube]
      Multitasking Mama My Favorite Song Signature powered by
      WiseStamp

  3. Popping over from the MOB Society Link-up. And am now a new follower. What a great post! Thank you for sharing your experience!

    Feel free to stop by my blog – http://gricefullyhomeschooling.blogspot.com/

    Many blessings!

    • Thank you for stopping by and welcome 🙂

      *Melissa Smallwood* *Writer**/Blogger*

      Cutting Through The Clutter of Life
      Tel: (304) 676-4760 | Local Blog

      [image: Facebook] [image: Twitter] [image: Blog RSS] [image: YouTube]
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