Growing in your marriage



She needed to be a brunette.  The bride-on-the-wedding-cake-topper-thingy, that is.

Fourteen years ago, finding a brunette {because I am not blonde} cake-topper bride was a huge priority in my life.  On the eve of making the biggest commitment of my life.

Thankfully, my grandparents rose to the challenge and scoured stores in the four-state area to find me a brunette bride and a dark haired groom cake-topper and all was right with my wedding.

I look back now and chuckle to myself.  I thought it was all about the wedding.  The perfect day I had dreamed about since I was a little girl.  Finding my Prince Charming.  The white dress, the heart shaped tiers of the cake, the bouquet…it was all important to me. 

Now, I have come to realize that the important things in marriage are far different than the wedding.

The two becoming one is a process that is not completed with the utterance of the words “I do”.  It is the beginning of a lifetime journey.

On my 14th anniversary I wanted to share a few things I (we) have learned along the way….

  • Be quick to apologize.  We are both the firstborn in our families of origin.  We are both choleric [fill in the blank of your favorite personality profile for Type A].  Bottom line: we are both stubborn as all get out.  When we were first married, it was far more important to both of us to be right than to have unity in our relationship.  Our relationship really began to grow when we learned the value of an apology, the knitting together of hearts that takes place when you put your pride aside and put the other person first.
  • Be quicker to forgive.  It is so easy to get your feelings hurt in marriage.  We spend more time with our spouse and they know us better than anyone else.  They know what buttons to push to elicit a reaction.  And, sometimes {just keeping it real} I am being ultra sensitive or irritable and just about anything Mike said would make me upset.  Instead of making a mountain out of a mole hill moment, I have learned to forgive and let go of so much more than I was able to when we were first married {and so is Mike}.  Most of the time, I take my hurt feelings to God and ask Him to show me how to be forgiving and gracious towards my husband.  (Colossians 3:13 is a favorite verse of mine about this topic)
  • Make alone time a priority.  When our kids were little, we had a standing date night.  We have gotten away from the structure of that but still make an effort to have time, just the two of us, as frequently as possible.  We pursue shared interests by reading a book together or a concert, we shop together and run errands holding hands, we ride Mike’s Harley in the beautiful countryside that we are blessed to live in.  We take weekend trips at least once a year to reconnect and spend time making sure the other knows how much they are loved.  The truth is that the devil hates marriage.  Any fissure or crack in the foundation of your marriage leaves room for the enemy to creep in and sabotage.  The only way to shore up the cracks and fissures is to know that they are there in the first place.  In order to communicate those types of issues to Mike, I need time away from the busyness and distractions of life.  Alone time {with your spouse} is a must!
  • Have God at the center of your union.  God has to be number One in my life, in Mike’s life and in our life together in order for our marriage to be all that it is designed to be.  Those times in our lives when we have had serious issues in our marriage are directly correlated with times we were not putting God first.  It is that simple.

What are some ways you keep your marriage a priority?  I would love to hear!

Tonight, we are headed to our favorite hibachi restaurant for an evening of celebration.  Happy anniversary to my sweet {long suffering} hubby!



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  1. Happy Anniversary! My husband and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary this past March. I just did a blog post this past week about unity in marriage. I won’t link to it because I’m not sure if that’s a blogger no-no, however, I can tell you that it was the daily ritual of connecting. For us, our feet touch while we sleep at night. The otters do that, too, did you know?

    It’s amazing what was so important to us (as women) early in our marriage. Now, as I’m sure you’ve realized, it’s not quite as important. I’m not a perfect wife, but I’m slowly learning how to be a better one.

  2. CrysHouse says:

    I loved your advice.  Thanks for sharing 🙂

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