Peace and Quiet

Thank you all for your prayers.  I had a great time speaking at a local father/daughter banquet last Friday evening and God granted me not just the words but the stamina to deliver them.

I am in a place of rest, quiet and peace.  A beautiful place to be, honestly.  Different circumstances would be preferable but I am used to my health being an issue.

My liver function is not normal right now.  The doctors are attempting to figure out why and until then {and possibly indefinitely} I am off the medications used to contain and treat both my MS and lupus.  I am very tired and somewhat nauseous…I had a week full of tests and appointments last week and this week looks much the same.

People in my everyday life often comment about how “at peace” I am when things like this occur in my life.

Can I please be transparent with you?

I have NOT always been at peace.  God grew me to this place through some incredibly dark and difficult days.

And I am NOT always at peace.  When I lay in bed, I have to fight off bad thoughts, self pity and running through worse case scenarios in my mind.  I have even been having nightmares some nights.

In most moments, however, I am at complete and total peace.  None of this is a surprise to my Jesus.  Nothing passes through His filter and in to my life that He is not going to use for His purposes and my ultimate good.

Do I wish that my kids didn’t have to worry about their mama’s health all the time?  Sometimes

Do I feel like a burden to my hardworking hubby?  Sometimes

Do I feel like even posting about this latest health issue is somewhat whiny and weak? Somewhat

Do I wish that I could take a simple Tylenol for my aches and pains? Yes

Do I know that God has my days numbered in His book and the condition of my liver doesn’t change that? Absolutely

Do I know that all things are working out for good through all of this?  Definitely

Do I know that the Great Physician is in charge?  You betcha

What I know for sure is so much better than what I feel.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  II Corinthians 4:17

Comments

  1. I like the transparent you. She looks a lot like me.

  2. thanks Gen!

  3. Big hugs to you Melissa, I know exactly how you feel. I don’t think God expects us to naturally be at peace with the trials in this yet, just to run to Him so He can fill us with perfect peace. He tells us to cast all of our care upon Him, because He knew in this life there would be a load to carry! I love transparency and am thankful you share your heart like you do. It makes all of us who feel the same way, yet are not brave enough to admit, heave a sigh of relief and realize we are not along. Blessings to you!

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