Keeping it Real at Christmas

My chest tightens, my temples throb, my palms get sweaty.

I breath faster and the desire to run away, RUN AWAY, is breathing down my neck.

Am I in a dangerous situation?


I sit on my comfy living room sofa, feeling like something heavy sits on my chest and wanting to lace up my running shoes.

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Life has just hit me this month.  Not in any bad, specific kind of way but the every day stressors that add up and build up and stack up and make my flesh want to call a big time out.  The house full of clutter and teenagers and infants and toddlers and presents and dogs and laundry and the husband and the to-do list and the unexpected company for Christmas.  The finals, the basketball practices, the shopping, the mom-taxi moments that take me away from the house that is full of clutter.  Did I mention the clutter?

And the old stuff…the stuff that you think you have gotten over and let go but the holidays {aka time with extended family} bring old feelings to the surface and your mind begins to have imaginary conversations, like a dress rehearsal, and before you know it you are all worked up about something that hasn’t even happened yet.

It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year came on the radio today and I laughed out loud…a sarcastic, “yeah, right” kind of laugh.

My kids are growing up {in a seemingly too fast but somehow not fast enough at times sort of way}

My ministry is rewarding yet exhausting, fulfilling yet draining, sort of way.

My house {and to be completely transparent my van and car too} are disaster areas.  I should no longer even hint at the fact that I used to own a professional organizing business and would probably be turned down if I wanted to re-up my membership to the professional organizing associations.

My gifts are unwrapped and sitting in a big pile in the middle of my bedroom floor, amongst piles of clothes that need to be folded and put away.

And I lay in bed and pray “Lord, I can’t take one more thing.” Just praying that prayer makes me feel guilty because this month is nothing compared to other times in my life that the Lord and I have walked through.  And, I am laying in bed, asking Him to not give me anything else to handle when He and I both know that I would take anything He wants me to handle and He would give me the grace to handle it.

But, God doesn’t yell at me.  Or shake sense into my stubborn heart.

He says “you don’t have to take anything.  I am here to take it back any time you want to relinquish control”.

And I am so thankful for His grace.  His all consuming grace that does not care what my house looks like, the God who knows and holds the future of my children in His capable hands, who is the only One who can give me the strength to serve young mama’s and their babies.  The only One that can equip me to be the wife He created me to be.

The One who was there all along and knows the hurts of my heart yet can give me His lens, His heart, His grace to make it through the holidays {thanks for the reminder, Sarah Mae}.

The grace that will cover my anxiety with His calm reassurance that all is well and reminds me that I know how the Story ends so I can spend the next few days relaxing in the beauty of the way the Story began because He has everything in between already taken care of.

And my pulse slows down and my breath becomes regular.

And I no longer want to run anywhere but His arms this Christmas.


  1. So honest and relevant. I very much relate to this. Thanks for being transparent and real and sharing a piece of the peace of God with us.

  2. Thanks for reading, Haelie. I just couldn’t do another happy post when I wasn’t feeling happy, you know? Hope you have a great Christmas!

    • Amen, sister! You are welcome, Melissa. I did have a great – but BUSY – Christmas. I hope yours was good as well. Hopefully you are resting right now…I know people like us multi-tasking mama’s need it!!!

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