Back to submitting

I spent a lot of time broken before God (and my hubby) last night and this morning. 

It is a long story but it boils down to my flesh wanting something (really bad), rationalizing why it would be a great thing for me to do (for my blog, for my ministry, for ME, ME, ME), resenting my husband for not supporting it.

Is going to a blogging conference bad? No!  I am going (with my hubby’s blessing and support) to three more this year. But, EVO was not meant to be for me (even though I won a ticket, won a site redesign and had a partial sponsorship).  And, instead of submitting to my husband’s wishes about this two weeks ago, I dug my heels in.  I was stubborn, determined and wasted so much time and energy pursuing something that in the end was for naught.

You see, God knew (and my husband’s spirit was burdened) that something was going to come up last night with our oldest son, Jason.  Not just anyone can deal with the issues that arise with Jason because of his special needs.  He needs me this weekend.  Mike is going to be away on a father-son campout all weekend with Jared and Matt.

  If I had been on a plane tomorrow and then found out that Jason would need me this weekend- what would I have done then?

My hubby loves me enough not to have said “I told you so” last night as I cried.  Why would I ever doubt my husband’s authority?  Why would I let my stubborn flesh interfere with being present to hear God?  Why would I have been happy to get on a plane to go thousands of miles away from my family when one of them needs me?

No, I am not going to continue to beat myself up.  I know there is no condemnation in Christ.  And, I am still looking forward to going to the other conferences on my schedule, Lord willing.

But, I am going to repent of my clouded judgment and once again, daily, minute by minute, submit to the wisdom of my husband and my God.

Why do you think this is so hard?  Or is it just me?

This post is linked to Wifey Wednesday.  You can also join me each Monday for Holy Housewives, a book club where we read books about biblical womanhood and discuss how we feel and what we learn.

Comments

  1. Do we live parallel lives? I seem to have so much trouble with this too. My head and heart think I am okay and then a situation comes up and I fail deeply and revert to old ways. I just keep praying for help from God. Thank you for being so honest. Have a blessed day!

  2. It is not just you! I struggle with this too. I am fiercely independent and that kind of spirit definitely tries to usurp my husband’s authority and leadership in our household. I am proud of you for pouring your heart out about this and being willing to submit to his leadership. Praying for you this morning!

  3. It is definitely not just you! I also find this hard, and can completely relate. When I havae the most trouble, I start over my Excellent Wife and other Proverbs 31 studies. I just wish I had a group locally that would be interested in doing a bible study with me because it is harder, I think, to gain more perspective by studying alone. I do wish you the best of luck, and I am so glad that you are back to submitting, as am I. We walk together.

  4. It's hard sometimes isn't it?! Praying for you.

  5. It’s not just you. I think its hard because we are afraid to submit. I don’t think we trust our husbands (or ourselves) enough to know they are in constant communion with God on our behalf. I also believe society’s view of submission fuels our inability to submit. This was a great post.

Trackbacks

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Melissa Smallwood, faithfamilyfibro. faithfamilyfibro said: RT @multitaskingme: Am I the only 1 that struggles w/ the "S" wrd? http://bit.ly/a6edRL #holyhousewives //Awesome post…right thr w/ U! […]

  2. […] the roles of husband and wife as equal.  I do beg to differ on this point.  While I believe that I am to submit to my husband, that does not mean that we are not equal in the eyes of God.  When you read Ephesians 5 in […]

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