Did I settle? or did God know just what He was doing?

I haven’t participated in Wifey Wednesday in a while but the topic today struck a chord with me.  And you know what happens when a cord is struck?  I write. (and write and edit and write and so on)

…but it does mean that if you’re not happy in your marriage, perhaps we should stop focusing on whether or not he was the right one to marry, and start focusing on how WE can become the right one?

That is the phrase that struck a chord with me in Sheila’s post.  Mike and I got married young.  I was 18 years old, he was 24.  We already had a lot of grown up baggage (he had a son, I had a son and we had one on the way together, we didn’t know Jesus as our personal Savior, etc) to contend with and neither one of us had a grown up in homes that modeled what healthy marriage looked like.

In the early days of our marriage, I sometimes wondered if I had made a mistake.  We were so different.  We handled conflict different, we approached raising children different, we definitely had different approaches when it came to handling money.  Sometimes our differences seemed to etch a chasm between our hearts and prevent us from connecting and communicating.

We had been married a year and a half when I came to know Christ and two years when Mike accepted Jesus into his heart.  I would like to say that knowing God flipped a switch in our relationship and everything was fantabulous from that moment on….but I would be lying.

I can say, however, that as we grew in our faith and in our knowledge of what God intended marriage to be, we began to work on making our marriage better.  We saw a Christian counselor, we I read books, we attended marriage conferences, we sought sound counsel from older couples.

And our marriage evolved.

I went from days of wondering “why did I marry this guy?” to appreciating how God had wired Mike specifically to be my husband (and realizing that not just anyone could handle being married to this gal).  That appreciation has led to a deeper level of intimacy and a respect for my husband that did not exist in the early days of our marriage.

My encouragement to married couples is to seek to recognize the ways that God designed your spouse to complement your personality and needs.  Once you begin to notice the things that make your spouse right for you, it changes the whole dynamic of your relationship.

Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing the man I am meant to be with into my life.  Thank you for helping me see that we complete each other instead of giving up when ever discouraging times came our way.  Thank you for creating someone for me that allows me to be myself, that delights in my successes and is willing to go outside of his comfort zone to grow along side me.  Help us all see your design for marriage and adjust our expectations of our spouse accordingly. ~Amen.

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Comments

  1. such a great post. so full of truth!!! it's beautiful when we find contentment in Christ because then we don't look to our spouse to give it to us. i've learned from watching others that that helps to make for a Godly marriage – but, man oh man, do i still have some major learning to do! thank the Lord for our precious hubbies and for their patience with us!

  2. That is my prayer for my marriage as well. My hearts desire is to be the wife my husband needs for me to be…My accountability partner and I always remind each other that despite our ridiculous number of other projects we have to take to heart that “my man is my ministry.”

  3. amen to that! marraige takes two and it takes work too..

  4. ruthinthedesert says:

    Amen!

  5. Wonderful advice for young couples! What a blessing your testimony is. Thank you for sharing!

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