Controlling? Me? Never!

Sheila does this every week….picks a topic for Wifey Wednesday that I strongly resonate with (maybe a little too strongly in this case).  Today’s topic is “Losing the control freak inside you”.  I read that title to my darling hubby as I prepared to type out this post and he laughed.  Hard.

I will preface this post by saying (as I say often) that I am a recovering Type A.  I am the first born.  I tend towards the controlling side of the spectrum. I acknowledge that and pray daily for more of God and less of me.  Almost thirteen years of marriage later this is still a struggle for me but baby, I’ve come a long way (by the grace of God and the patience of my husband) and here is how:

  • Embracing God’s plan for marriage.  In Genesis 2: 23-24 God lays out His design for our marriages.  I am a gift to my husband, made to be his helper and partner for life.  When you cherish that role, rather then resent it, respecting your husband and God’s desire for your marriage is so much easier.
  • Embracing the uniqueness of our union. No two people are exactly alike.  Neither are any two marriages.  Marriage blends two unique individuals into a unique partnership.  Mike and I didn’t have great role models of marriage growing up.  I found myself early in our relationship trying to make our marriage look like what I thought it should look like.  The problem is I was getting my concept of what marriage should look like from magazines, TV, peers and society in general.  Only when I turned to God and His Word was I able to appreciate how Mike and I compliment each others differences.  We truly bring out the best in each other (funny how God designs these things isn’t it?).
  • Embracing marriage’s limitations.  One of my favorite sayings is that there is a God shaped hole in everyone’s heart.  A hole that only He can fill.  Marriage was designed by God.  However, it was not designed to replace the vital role that only He can fill.  When we look to our husbands to meet needs that only God can and heal wounds that only God can we are going to end up miserable.  The level of intimacy and friendship that Mike and I enjoy did not develop until I acknowledged that I needed God to meet my emotional needs, not Mike.  Do you know how much pressure we take off our marriages when we take our needs to the One that can actually meet them?  It truly is life changing.

So, do I have the perfect marriage?  No.  Do I have a great marriage?  Yes.  Am I controlling and domineering like I was in the beginning? No.  Do I still get antsy if we are running late? Absolutely!

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  1. This sounds so much like me.

  2. i can totally relate… i'm type A and the 1st born. our greatest strengths can be our greatest weakness!

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