A Changed Woman

How has motherhood changed you?

It would probably be easier to name the ways that motherhood has not changed who I am but that, my friends, is not the assignment.  So here goes:

  • Where I once thought only of myself, there are now three human beings I would throw myself in front of a moving train for.
  • Those same human beings have made me want to jump in front of a moving train quite a few times.
  • I have become capable of incredible feats- cooking, baking, homemaking in general, purely out of a desire to create a cozy, comfortable environment for my boys.
  • My heart has physically grown as it swells with pride at their accomplishments and has physically ached when they are in pain.
  • Walls built around my heart, out of self protection, literally melted away when my first child was placed in my arms and by the time I adopted my step son (our third yet oldest child) my heart was made completely out of mush.  I am putty in their hands (and they know it)
  • Yet, I am tough when I need to be.  I learned it is important to me that I raise polite and contributing members of society.  To raise future husbands my future daughters-in-law (*gasp* that makes me want to cry) will appreciate.
  • I changed my focus thus far in life.  Career advancement, my personal accomplishments seem so unimportant compared to enjoying and cherishing EVERY moment I get to spend with these future adults. (However, a nicely placed trip to Vegas sans said future adults is a nice little treat)
  • I discovered that in order to be the best mama I can be, I have to care for my health, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  This lesson took me several years to learn and I hate that my children didn’t receive the best of me during that time.
  • But, I have also learned that in motherhood you can only look forward.  There is no perfect, there is no magical balance that means everyone gets all there needs met every time they have one, there is no way to undo something once it has been said, no way to take back  a harsh word.  Mommy guilt is toxic.
  • So, I choose to live in this moment with my boys.  Treasuring when I can, nurturing when I can, disciplining when I need to, teaching something when I can, and apologizing for the myriad of ways I screw up and hoping they learn something from those moments too.

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Comments

  1. I totally understand what you mean when you refer to your sons as someone’s future wife! That makes me want to cry too! Can’t I just keep him forever?? I just pray tha whoever he marries will love and respect him.
    I also kind of hope that she’s an orphan so he doesn’t have to move across the country to be close to her parents and we don’t have to split the holidays lol.
    I’m kidding (kinda of).

  2. I love it! I think that’s true for all mommies!

  3. Amen to only looking forward. I look back to often and really beat myself up. Great list. You had me cracking up at the throwing yourself in front of a train…I have so been there. LOL

  4. Visiting from Mama Kats…

    Well said. There are some good lessons in there … especially about looking forward and not letting that toxic mommy guilt eat you up. And taking care of yourself and being a full, well-rounded person – NOT JUST a mom. I think that is an important lesson all of us moms needs to remember. Well said.

  5. You are right, Mommy Guilt is awful! Why dont daddies ever feel guilty?

  6. I have to agree with everything you said! Great post! I wrote on the same topic on my blog at: http://theunexperiencedmom.blogspot.com/

    Will be following you, as I too am a multi-tasking mama!

    Tamara

  7. Oh.. This list made me cry:-) It is so true.. I share everything you just said, except in my case it is just the one toddler, bt still so true..
    Blessings..

  8. Great list! We can all relate! Changed for the better. 🙂

  9. Thanks for the comments, ladies. Isn’t it nice to know we are all in this mama thing together?

  10. That’s something else we have in common. My oldest son is also my step-son. It’s great, but it’s never quite the same as your natural children. And it’s always just a little bit awkward. You never know whether to say if you’ve got two sons or three, your oldest isn’t the same as your husband’s oldest. Mine even has additional children on his Mom’s side, so my boys have siblings that are their half brother’s half brother and half sister. It’s just an American family, I guess.

  11. All true, so true and so nicely shared.

  12. Beautiful–and so true!

    Blessings!

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