Wifey Wednesday- Who Wears the Pants?

Sheila at To Love,Honor and Vacuum was talking about gender and giftedness on her Wifey Wednesday meme. This led to the conversation that some women use their husband’s lack of spiritual leadership as an excuse to not have any spiritual leadership in the household at all.

This got me thinking about a conversation we had at a leadership meeting at our church last night- where have all the men gone? I am not talking about controlling, demanding men but rather Godly, Christian men. In this age of the metro-sexual, we are losing out on the husband being the spiritual head of the household in many situations. When you couple that with the number of families that are affected by divorce and lacking a consistent male role model in the home, the possible consequences should scare us.

So, you may ask, what does this man look like that I am referring to?

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Savior…Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her…in this way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:22,25,28

Fathers, do not exasperate your children: instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

A wise man fears the Lord and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless. Proverbs 14:16

In multi-tasking mama terms, this is a man who loves his wife and recognizes that marriage is sacred and holy. A man that supports his wife in expressing her gifts and talents, providing a safe place for her to land when she has spread her wings and pursued her dreams. A man secure in himself and his inherent worth as a son of the Most High. A man that puts his family first, second only to his personal relationship with the Lord. A man that speaks positive and affirming words to his children and commands their respect by his actions and example.

The man who asks the kids how their day at school was and actually listens to the answer, the man who can be tender when a child is hurt and tough when they are pushing the limits. The man who wrestles with the kids on the floor and kisses their boo-boos away. The man that takes the time to use everyday experiences to point his children toward Christ.

I am fortunate to be married to that man- but he hasn’t always been this way. God has grown him into the husband and father that he is as sure as he has grown me into the wife and mother that I am- and we both still have a ways to go.

Do I have an opinion about who should be the spiritual leader of our home? Absolutely! I think the Bible makes it very clear. Do I think that I also will answer to God someday for my contribution to my children’s spiritual upbringing? Absolutely! Do I think a team effort is the best approach in marriage- playing off of each other’s strengths and filling in the gaps of weaknesses- yes. That’s what marriage is all about. No one wears the pants in my house- we look more like a couple in a sack race- going through life together.


  1. Alicia, The Snowflake says:

    Great post my friend! I am very thankful to be married to that man, too.! What a blessing! I love the analogy of the sack race. Too cute!

  2. Confessions of a Mom says:

    Well said.

  3. Eyeglasses & Endzones says:

    Great Post. I think that being that my dad is a pastor, I grew up with that and I can honestly say that when it came time to look for a husband it was NOT first on my list. Fast forward 10+ years later and BOTH my husband and I are realizing how important his role is in the household. It can NOT always be me…there are some days that we do really great but this is an area that God is working on both of us BIG TIME! Thanks so much for sharing it, I think you hit the nail right on the head!

  4. I agree with you. My question is this, how do you help cultivate this behavior in your husband? My husband wants to take the initiative in that, but no one has ever taught him how.

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