Wifey Wednesday- Is That all He thinks about?

For more Wifey Wednesday wisdom, check out Sheila’s blog at To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

Today’s topic is entitled Is That All He Thinks About? The answer to that question is mostly, yeah. A study cited by the Kinsey Institute (a research center about all things sexual) states that

54% of men think about sex everyday or several times a day, 43% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 4% less than once a month (Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, Michaels, 1994).

. This probably will not come as a surprise but this is compared to only 19% of women.

This topic reminds me of a marriage conference my husband and I attended last year. The speakers were the Farrell’s, a couple that have written several books on marriage. The book that the hubby and I related to the most is entitled Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti. (You can find more info about them and their books here)
The premise of their book is that men and women think differently- well, duh! Right? But their way of explaining it (the waffle and spaghetti metaphor) was very useful to both me and my hubby understanding each other better, including in the area of our sex life.

Men compartmentalize. They tend to focus on one thing at a time and 54% of the time that “thing” is sex. We women take offense to this, quite often, because our brain connects tasks. We can think about and carry out way more than one thing at a time. You most likely won’t find a blog called Multitasking Daddy, you know? So, when our husband is thinking of sex and only sex (which by the way is one of the main ways that men relieve stress while us ladies can do this with chocolate or a pedicure)we are thinking about the nerve that he has to be thinking of such things after the day we have had taking care of the kids, the laundry that is piled to the ceiling, the dirty dishes in the sink and the dog that needs to be walked.

Instead of being angry at our spouses for desiring to be with us (and most of the time this connection is desired for them as much as the physical release)we need to realize that our brains really do function physiologically differently. They are not “groping” us to annoy us. They aren’t making sexual comments in our ear at church to make us turn beet red. That is honestly what is on their mind 54% of the daggone day.

Now, I am in no way trying to make all men out to be sex fiends or barbarians, but just to point out that instead of looking at this in a negative way, we have to change our view of sex in our marriage to the way God intended- an expression of love to each other that is sacred.
And husbands that care about growing in their relationship with God and their wives will (perhaps more slowly than we would like but eventually)learn to approach us in a way that is not an instant turn off, to purpose to bring us pleasure and to be intimate with us.
I encourage all wives to pray about sex. God is not going to blush. He knows that we all have struggles with this issue at some point in our relationship. He is there. If anyone can help you feel a way that your flesh does not want to feel, it is God. Take it to Him.


  1. oh how i love this blog….I think you just became my hero

  2. He And Me + 3 says:


    You are preaching to the choir on this post. Yikes. Very intersting stuff and stats. Thank you for such a great post!


  4. Pmom@ChocolateandGarlic.com says:

    Thanks. Your post was helpful.

  5. The Blonde Duck says:

    Saying hi from SITS!

  6. great post! Thanks for sharing. I think I’m going to check out that waffle/spaghetti book πŸ˜‰

    Thanks for the comment on my blog. I read Isaiah and it affirms everything for me. It’s just hard sometimes and when nothing happens, you begin to doubt if it was God’s Will in the first place. Those key verses helped bring eveything back into perspective though πŸ™‚ Thanks!

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